You Matter

Ladies I just want to tell you I salute you. If you’re trying to figure out how to love yourself in a world that tells you you’re not good enough I salute you. If you feel alone in this world but you’re trying to focus on the positive I salute you. If you feel invisible but still believe you have a purpose I salute you. If you’re trying to figure out how to make it happen whether on your own or with help I salute you. If you get up everyday with a smile on your face when it really takes all your strength just to get out of bed I salute you. If you’re maintaining faith that your current circumstances will get better I salute you. Ladies, I just want you to salute you because it’s not always easy but you’re still surviving.

I’ll admit, these past few days of quarantine have not been the easiest and I haven’t been quite myself. I’m an overthinker and staying home has put me deep in my feelings and had me feeling a little lonely. I want companionship but the men that come my way aren’t who I need at the moment. The men that acknowledge me and are men that expect me to beg for their attention once they have mine, or they are jobless or carless beggars that tend to keep me in around in case they need something and me personally, I refuse to play the fool. I’ve done that role once and I refuse to let it happen again.

Sometimes, it’s hard for me to maintain my confidence because the enemy tries to get in my head. For instance, sometimes I feel that I should feel lucky that a particular man noticed me. Sometimes I wonder if I should text or call a particular guy despite the fact that are not making an effort to text or call me. I am currently trying to teach myself that “If a man really wants to he would” and sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow because if we’re being honest there’s no one thirstier than a man trying to pursue a woman. I know we’re all adults and we’re busy but I refuse to believe that anyone is too busy to press a few buttons to send a few texts or at least call at the end of their so called “busy day”. It’s funny how men are too busy to communicate with you just because they want to, but they never let being busy get in the way of asking for a favor or asking for some you know what. And if my past has taught me anything it’s that if I have to ask for your attention, or communication, or consistency then you aren’t for me. That’s legit the bare minimum, the LEAST you can do. If you can’t even manage time for something simple like phone calls and texts then how can I expect you to take make time for dates, quality time and be a reliable man that can be there when I need you.

Sometimes, I wonder if these failed relationship attempts are my fault? I usually call several times even if they don’t answer. I also text back crazy fast no matter how long i’ve been left on read so does that make me seem too eager or weak? I’m so used to B.S so sometimes I wonder if my standards are too low and guys sense that right off the bat. Or if a man shows potential red flags early on I tend to overlook them (something I need to stop doing). Sometimes I wonder if I was prettier would men treat me better and show more effort? But hell from what I see on social media even the most drop dead gorgeous females have dealt with some no good men.

It just gets exhausting getting my hopes up just to be disappointed. I know i’m a good woman. I’m not perfect, but I am a good woman, I just wish more men/people would see that. However, I know females that know they’re worth don’t beg for anyone to see it. Others either see it or they just simply let them miss out (Something i’m trying to learn). For some reason I tend to attract emotionally depressed men and I feel the need to help them by making myself overly available to them. Sometimes I think I need to help men emotionally and in whatever way else I can in order to make them like me more and treat me better. This is another habit from my past that I need to unlearn because someone else’s happiness is not my responsibility. I am not anyone’s rehabilitation center. Especially if I am still working on building myself. I need a man who is mentally in a healthy place so he can know how to treat me and vice versa. We’re all adults therefore I shouldn’t be trying to teach anyone how to treat me. That is not my job. Just like most of the men I tend to come across I am mentally struggling as well yet I don’t see any of them going the extra mile to help me so why should I do that for them. I learned from experience how toxic depending on someone else for happiness can be so I am determined to learn how to be happy on my own and set my standards higher. If you want my time you gotta have something to offer and be willing to put in the REQUIRED work.

Yes it gets lonely, but I can’t settle. I did it once and I will not allow my loneliness and feelings to allow just anybody to be by my side ever again. I need to realize I am special and everyone doesn’t deserve access to me. I need to learn my worth as a queen. I need to find a man that’s capable of giving me queen treatment which doesn’t include the queen always calling or texting to initiate the conversation, or trying to keep a dry conversation going, being there for a man when he strictly wants a favor or initiating all the links up. A real man pursues you. A real man makes time for you. A real man will remind you how special you are to him. A real man has his actions match his words. If a man is treating you like he doesn’t want you or you’re just a option then take those actions as a hint and move accordingly. Actions speak louder than words. It’s time for me to stop disrespecting myself by giving men who failed the first time multiple chances.

So ladies in short, if these men or anyone else in your life make you feel like anything else other than the amazing queen you are I just want to remind you that you do matter. No matter your looks, or circumstances in your life you are the Sugar Honey Iced Tea. You do matter. Take care of yourself first and stop looking for love in the wrong people. Fall in love with yourself again and the let the rest naturally follow. Practice self-care. Get dolled up for yourself, take pictures, speak positive affirmations, meditate, get in a church, find a passionate hobby, start working out, get back in school, start that business. Stop giving these f boys the time of day, you’re a grown woman, and as of today you no longer have time for them. Yes you may want him but is he really worth it if he only talks to you when he wants something or you have to be the initiator all the time and you’re putting in more effort than him? The world is yours. Please, Please, Please, practice loving yourself and realize you deserve better. It’s something I need to practice as well. Deal with people who give the same effort and energy you put out. Better yet, practice putting that energy into yourself until God sends you someone that can match it and remember. You are a queen and we do not beg so pick your head up and put that crown back on.